


Return To Me

by LoveRemains



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, also papa hollis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-03-26 17:24:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3858751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveRemains/pseuds/LoveRemains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tragic accident changes the course of Laura and Carmilla's lives forever. This is a story about patience, love, and the lengths at which one will go to keep a promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If any of you have seen the movie The Vow, that is where I borrowed the idea from. I haven't seen the movie in years, so I'm only basing this story off the main idea. Everything else will be my own. So, here I go again with the angst. Welcome to a long, trying journey. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, I'm still recovering from severe writer's block so I apologize for being so rusty. I hope you like it!
> 
> These are the songs that inspired me for this story (you can find them both on youtube):
> 
> The Keeper- Kina Grannis and Marie Digby  
> Winter Song- cover by Kina Grannis and Zee Avi

I promise to love you until my last breath, until the stars fall from the sky and the sun loses its flame and grows cold. I promise to care for you, in sickness and in health. For better and for worse I will be at your side, strong and unwavering. My heart has found its home with you; you are my world and I promise to give you a perfect forever because you have always been mine.

_I promise…_

_______________________________________

 

“Hey, L!”

There’s a soft knock on the door that follows the friendly voice, effectively pulling Laura from where she’s been hunched over in her seat with her eyes glued to the computer screen in front of her in furious concentration. She’s been working on the final edit of her latest report for the better part of her workday and she’s pretty sure she forgot to eat lunch again in lieu of turning it in on time. The protesting growl of her stomach answers almost on command and she huffs out a sigh before blinking a few times to correct her blurry vision. They water almost instantly, soothing the annoying sting. 

“Hmm?” is her reply. Apparently spewing out words from her mind all day has left her speech in delay. She’s too tired to care so she settles for flashing Betty, her coworker, a polite smile as she slowly drags her eyes away from the word document. 

“You almost done? Boss is letting us all leave early before the snow gets too bad. I know you rode your bike here so I came by to see if you wanted a ride home!” Betty smiles, leaning against the door as its edge rests against the front of her shoulder.

Upon hearing the word ‘snow’, Laura leans around the monitor of her computer to peer out the window. She hadn’t even thought to check the weather earlier that day, but sure enough, the sky is colored a deep grey and soft flecks of white are twirling past her window in all directions. The site makes excitement swell in her chest and she watches for a moment before the rest of Betty’s words register in her sluggish brain. 

Their boss is letting them leave early.

It’s something that never happens and it comes as music to her ears. With her liveliness back in full force, Laura rolls herself back behind her desk and squeals softly. She squirms slightly in her seat, hands balled into fists in front of her as she dances to herself happily. She almost forgets the girl still standing in her doorway as she types a few more things in the word document before saving it. The deadline isn’t until tomorrow and it’s basically done anyways so she closes out of the program and begins to shut down her computer. She’ll submit it in the morning.  
Betty clears her throat expectantly and Laura startles slightly.

“Crap, sorry! It’s date night tonight so I’m super excited. We never get to leave early, Carm’s going to be so happy!” Her smile is infectious and soon Betty is smiling too and rolling her eyes in amusement as she crosses her arms over her chest.

“You two are so gross, I swear. So, do you want a ride or…?”

Grabbing her backpack and helmet, Laura waves her hand in the air in dismissal after she’s put on her jacket and shakes her head. Her nose scrunches slightly when she answers. “No, no don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine! But, thanks for the offer. I’ll walk out with you though.”

Laura pulls her low ponytail from where it got stuck beneath her jacket and drapes it over her shoulder as she makes her way to the door. Betty falls into step with her as they leave the office and once they get to the lobby, they diverge as the tall blonde heads to the parking garage. Before she gets too far, her coworker calls to her over her shoulder, “Be safe okay? You’re the best investigative journalist I know! Can’t have anything happening to that crazy brain of yours!” 

The brunette barks out a laugh and says that she will before she slings her backpack on her back and pulls a beanie over her head. Prior to going outside, she quickly calls Carmilla to tell her the good news that she’ll be home an hour earlier than normal. The call goes to voicemail after a few rings and Laura can’t help but smile fondly, figuring that the raven haired beauty was probably in her studio working on a new painting and listening to her favorite classical pieces at the highest possible volume. After the tone, Laura leaves a quick message.

“Hey baby, it’s me. I know you’re probably elbow deep in paint right now and not paying attention to your phone, but I just wanted to let you know that Robert let us leave early because of the snow, so I’ll be home early! Like, 20 minutes probably since it’s snowing and I have my bike. But don’t worry… I have my helmet, I’ll be careful. Ugh, I’m probably gunna get cut off any second so I’ll see you really soon. I can’t wait for tonight! Okayloveyousomuchbye!” 

The call ends on her giggle and she tucks her phone into the inner chest pocket of her jacket before zipping it up to her chin. Before stepping into the snow, she takes a brief moment to stare. She’s always loved snowstorms, and while this isn’t technically a storm yet, it’s still beautiful. A thin layer of snow already blankets the ground; all of the buildings and trees appearing as if they’ve been sprinkled with powdered sugar. Everything seems so still, entrapped in a moment of beauty and she can’t help but smile. Once her moment of appreciation ends, she clips her helmet secure with the strap under her chin and pushes the large glass door open to step onto the sidewalk and collect her bike from the rack she always keeps it on. After packing away the chain and lock, the brunette brushes off the seat and handlebars. She then walks the bike to the street, mounts it and begins her trek home through the quieting city.

About fifteen minutes in to her ride the snow starts picking up. The sky is almost black now and Laura has to squint a little against the wind. The only thing that’s keeping her from worrying is the fact that she knows her route by heart. She travels the same path every day, and she’s confident she could follow it with her eyes closed, but the weather isn’t helping at all. Her cheeks are red from the cold and her hands are growing numb from the assault of the icy air and snow combination. At one point her tires slip along the snow, losing traction for a beat, and she relents that she probably should have accepted the offer of a ride from Betty. She just didn’t think it would be this bad so early. Which therein lies her problem; she didn’t think. Sometimes her excitement tended to get the best of her, and now she was here, struggling to get back to her warm apartment where her wife was waiting for her. 

_Her wife_.

They may have been married for a few years now, but that word still does funny things to her heart. It’s enough to spread comforting warmth through her body, make her legs work a little harder to push her forward, closer to where she wants to be. 

She’s crossing an intersection when it happens.

She had the right of way, the LED image of a walking man let her know as much, and the red light emanating from the streetlight above her alerted her as well, so she went for it. She was halfway across when the car came out of nowhere. She doesn’t even see it before it collides into her, but she hears it-sort of. She faintly catches the sound of tire crunching against snow, breaks hissing against the force of their owner, but it’s too late. The car hits her and the wind is snuffed from her lungs instantaneously. It happens so fast she can’t even scream. The bike crumbles in submission beneath her and she is plucked into the air like a ragdoll before coming down hard against the windshield, head knocking back unnaturally. The glass splinters and shatters from the impact and she’s hauled slightly upwards from sheer force. When she falls limply from the side of the hood onto the ground, her back is sliced and bleeding, her helmet cracked and in disarray on her head. A bruise is already forming where the chinstrap nestles too harshly against her throat and her nose is bleeding. She can’t breathe. Her ears are ringing and all she can see are the snowflakes falling to their demise from the angered sky. They’re fatter now, fluffier. She has half a thought to open her mouth to collect them on her tongue like she used to when she was younger, but she can’t move. She’s too tired to even try. So instead she focuses on the dancing flakes, and wonders how it feels to be that weightless.

A muffled voice -or maybe there is more than one- call out to her, forcing her eyes open. When did she even close them? The effort to keep them open, to stay awake is too much; everything is off focus and spinning now anyways. She feels sick and numb and drained. Ignoring the frantic pleas that she can almost decipher as her name, she closes her eyes again in favor of the still darkness. It’s intoxicating, quiet, and she can smell her mother’s favorite perfume now. It assaults her senses, filling her with comfort and she wants to cling desperately, because she misses her mother more than anything and in this place between reality and something else, she wants to see her one more time. But then everything starts to shift slowly. The perfume evaporates and then the sound of her dad’s laugh finds her, wrapping around her like one of those great, bear hugs he always gives. The kind that crushes her back, but at the same time makes her feel incredibly safe. She tries to laugh with him, but instead her throat gurgles somewhere on the other side of consciousness, full of blood. When his laughter begins to fade, Laura knows who comes next. She can feel it. Feel _her_. The smile that suddenly shines through the void is one she would recognize anywhere. Tears instantly flood her eyes, tracking rivers down her cheeks and when Carmilla’s face comes in to view she tries to reach out for her. There’s so much left she needs to say to her, to show her, but the hand that is outstretched is too far away and she feels her leaving before she’s ready. _Don’t go_ , she wants to scream, but Carmilla is gone before she can even try to open her mouth.

Everything goes black after that. 

More voices are calling out to her, but she’s too far away to hear what they’re saying. 

The exhaustion and shock from the accident eventually win out, invisible hands pulling her under.

The world disappears and there’s nothing she can do but let it. 

_______________________________________

 

By the time Carmilla takes a break from painting, her arms are splotched with various shades of color. She’s got a streak of red running along her cheekbone and her shirt is as good as ruined. Thankfully it’s old and she wore it with the knowledge that it would get destroyed. She’s a messy painter, but the result of her chaos is beautiful. At least that’s what she’s been told. And she might’ve thought those people were just blowing smoke up her ass, but the fact that they asked to be the featured artist in their art show kind of trumped that idea before there was any time for it to mess with her head. She’s currently working on her 6th piece and when she’s done all she could do for the time being, she dunks her brushes in the muddied water of the large mason’s jar next to her and cuts Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata off. The silence she’s met with is deafening, her ears not used to it yet and she twists to crack her back before leaving the sanctuary of her in-house studio. With her arms bent at the elbows, she holds her hands up in front of her while she walks to the kitchen sink in order not to get paint on anything- Laura would kill her if she ruined any of their furniture. Thankfully they got one of those no-touch faucets installed, so she gently presses the neck of it with the cleanest part of her forearm and gets to work ridding herself of the paint. When one of her hands is paint-free, she grabs the soap and finishes washing herself off. 

After drying her arms and hands off, she wipes away the paint from her cheek and makes her way into the living room where she had left her phone before she started working. As she gets there, she glances out the window and frowns at the poor weather. She detests the snow, but figures that she’ll take it any day over a thunderstorm. She nearly shudders at the thought as she flicks the light on and snatches her phone from the coffee table. Pressing the circle button to turn it on, the screen lights up and reveals that she has three missed calls and voicemails. Carmilla sees that Laura left her a message first, so she presses that one and holds the phone gently to her ear. The second Laura’s soft voice fills the quietness around her, a smile tugs at her lips and she can’t tame it when it brightens when she hears the girl laugh just before she’s cut off. She loves her so much it’s ridiculous. Before listening to the other messages, Carmilla checks the time and entertains that Laura should be home already, or at least almost home. The thought is fleeting however and she shrugs one shoulder as she steps further into the living room and chooses to listen to the one from Laura’s dad next. 

The second she hears the man’s voice she wants to throw up. She freezes. Her eyes fix on a random spot on the wall, and the words that meet her run through her like white-hot metal. 

“Carmilla, it’s Dad. Please answer your phone, there was….there’s been an accident. Laura’s been in an accident and she’s been rushed to the hospital. I think they said something about emergency surgery, I-I don’t remember. I’m going to the hospital, please meet me there.”

He stops talking and Carmilla can’t see. Somehow she ended up on her knees on the floor during his message and every part of her is stiff, rigid with fear. Her hands shake as she goes to the final voicemail and mashes the pad of her finger against the listen option, but an incoming call deters her from hearing it. It’s Perry and she nearly falls apart completely when she answers.

“Laura…Laura’s in the hospi-“ Her voice breaks off to a whisper and she can’t even finish her own thought. Her nails are digging in to her thigh to keep herself in the present, to keep her mind from wandering.

“I know honey, I know. Her dad called us all. **Breathe** Carmilla, okay? I’m almost at your place alright, so be ready and I’ll take you to the hospital.” 

The calmness in Perry’s voice does nothing to placate her. It’s unnatural and it sits with her the wrong way, but so does everything else at the moment, so she hangs up without another word and pushes herself from the ground to stand on shaky legs. She feels like she’s trudging through mud on autopilot while she grabs her coat and keys and heads out the door to wait for Perry in the entryway of their building. She ends up pacing as she waits because she can’t stay still. Laura is hurt, maybe worse, and she can’t even do anything to help her, to save her. The thought of helplessness makes her almost get sick twice before she finally hears the beep of a car horn outside. Carmilla rushes outside and clambers quickly into the passenger side door that’s already been pushed open for her arrival. LaF is with Perry, seated in the backseat and Carmilla can’t even bring herself to look at either of them. She knows if she does she’ll pull apart at the seams and she can’t do that right now.

The drive to the hospital is heavy with unspoken words, the tension palpable. Carmilla can’t stop her leg from shaking, the fear of the unknown and what she will be met with once they get to the hospital nearly crippling her. _Please be okay, please be okay, please don’t leave me_ , runs on a continuous loop through her mind, a broken record that won’t stop. The snow inhibits Perry from driving like she would like, given the circumstance, but it’s thick now and it takes twice as long to get to the hospital than it normally would. Before the car even comes to a full stop, Carmilla is out and running into the main entrance. She doesn’t wait for Perry and LaFontaine; she knows they’ll follow. She learns from the front desk where she needs to go and she books it for the elevators. Once she gets to the right floor, she calls her father-in-law again to find out where he is exactly since she has no patience for guessing games. 

She doesn’t realize how broken she actually feels until she sees him and he’s quick to pull her into a tight hug. She’s never been one for affection, she usually shies away from it, but being married to Laura and having her dad in her life warmed her up to the idea of physical comfort. Carmilla eagerly sinks into his embrace without a second thought, arms wrapping around his neck. She lets herself cry into his shirt. When they finally pull a part, she wipes her eyes that are now smudged with makeup and takes a seat on one of the chairs in the waiting room. She pulls one of her knees to her chest, hugging it to herself. It’s always been something she does when she feels uncertain or vulnerable and it offers a small sense of security. 

“Have you heard anything?” She asks, eyes glued to Laura’s dad like a lifeline. 

The man shakes his head slightly and runs one hand over his face before letting out a deep sigh. He looks like hell. She’s sure she looks the same.

“No, just that she’s still in surgery. A car hit her as she was crossing that big intersection on the way to your place. They said her bike was completely demolished, so I can’t even imagine…” He trails off and Carmilla knows the dark path his mind is going. She’d be lying if she said hers wasn’t already there. She shivers and swallows the bile that rises to her throat, waiting for him to continue.

“I can’t lose her too, Carmilla…I don’t know what I’d do without her.” The confession makes Carmilla break out in a cold sweat. The breath she takes isn’t without a struggle and she’s back to staring at nothing again when she nods slightly and agrees.

“I know, me neither.”

By the time a doctor comes to talk to them, Perry and LaF have joined them. They’ve all been sitting mindlessly in the waiting room and as welcomed as the doctor’s appearance is, Carmilla isn’t sure she’s ready to hear what he has to say. She has no time to mentally prepare herself when he begins talking, addressing them all as he stands there in his clean scrubs and starch white lab coat. She almost goes to stand up, but thinks better of it knowing that if this is the point where he tells them that he’s sorry for their loss, she won’t be able to support herself at all.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Matthews…I’m assuming you’re all here for Laura Hollis?” He waits for them to nod before continuing, “I just wanted to come by and introduce myself, as I’ll be one of the head doctors on the team that will be caring for Miss Hollis during her stay here. I also came to tell you that she is out of surgery and is being transferred to her room as we speak. I’ll let you know when you’ll be able to see her, but I want to forewarn you that she did suffer some trauma. Her right arm is broken, and she’s severely bruised in some areas of her body.”

He pauses for a moment, gauging the group’s collective reactions. Carmilla thinks that’s the end of his speech and she starts to get up again because, screw waiting for permission to see her wife, but sinks right back in to her seat again when he continues.

“However, there are some complications. She hit her head pretty hard, and while she’s very lucky that she was wearing her helmet because it saved her life, the impact to her brain has unfortunately caused her to slip into a coma. I’m, I’m so sorry.” 

The doctor’s words effectively rip the earth out from underneath her. She’s free falling and she tries to breathe but the feeling makes her stomach swoop dangerously and her lungs constrict. Her heart thuds dangerously slow in her chest, her pulse rings in her ears. She’s trapped in the worst nightmare and she can’t wake up. She registers the doctor talking to the rest of them, but it sounds like she’s under water and the pressure is building in her ears.

“Will she ever wake up?”

Carmilla doesn’t realize she was the only to ask the question until she glances up and the four of them are looking at her. Her eyes are dead; she can feel it. Her face is blank, void of emotion completely and she knows this is her breakdown. She won’t be okay again until she sees Laura’s smile or hears her voice. 

The dark-haired girl watches as the doctor furrows his brow and clears his throat. “There’s a possibility that she will, yes. But…there’s also a possibility she won’t. And if she does wake up, there’s a strong chance that she will experience some memory loss. However, that is something we won’t know until if and when she does wake.” 

All she offers in response is a nod, and then she drags in a deep breath and runs her fingers through her hair (they’re still shaking). “When can I see her?”

“I’ll go check on that right now and I’ll let you know as soon as I find out. It was very nice to meet all of you, and again, I am sincerely sorry.”

With that and a handshake with Laura’s father, Dr. Matthews leaves them in search of more answers. Carmilla believes his sincerity, but it doesn’t make her feel any better. She wonders if he says that same sentiment to every family, that on some level it’s all impersonal and all he truly cares about his money in his bank account. She supposes it doesn’t really matter anyways, her wife isn’t dead and he had a hand in keeping that from happening. She should thank him for his efforts, but she’s too busy dwelling on the fact that her Laura, the sunshine that was able to break through her shadows, is momentarily gone. She just wants to see her and then maybe she’ll feel a little better. She doesn’t worship a god, but she silently prays to whoever or whatever may be listening to give her strength and to bring her love back to her.

It’s a half hour before Dr. Matthews comes back and informs them that they can go see Laura. He leads the small group to her room and then leaves them at the doorway, with the request that if they need anything, to not hesitate to ask. Carmilla takes a deep breath before walking in to the room behind Laura’s father, with LaFontaine and Perry following behind her. She’s not sure what she expected, but tears instantly spring to her eyes the moment they fall on Laura’s small form. Her feet carry her to the left side of her bed of their own accord and a pathetic whimper leaves her throat. It looks unnatural for Laura to be lying there, unmoving, when she’s the kind of person that exudes life and happiness. She’s used to seeing her talk a mile a minute and running around their apartment with her contagious laughter, not stuck in a sleep-induced prison. She’s hooked up to a few different machines; an IV line is perfectly placed in the crease of her arm. Her right arm is wrapped carefully in a cast and her face is marred with tiny scrapes and bruises. She looks so tiny, so fragile that Carmilla is afraid to touch her for fear that she might break apart right in front of her eyes. She can’t help herself though, because she needs to know that Laura is real, that she’s really there. Her left hand finds hers and she traces her fingers before lacing them together and squeezing gently. 

“Hey cupcake” She whispers gently, afraid that if she speaks any louder it may betray her. She strokes her thumb over the top of the girl’s hand then uses the other to smooth some of the hair away from her forehead. Ever so carefully, Carmilla tucks a bit of it behind her ear how Laura likes to do sometimes and tries to smile as she brushes the back of her hand along her cheek. Everyone else in the room disappears from her mind the longer she watches Laura. She focuses on the rise and fall of her chest as she breathes for a few moments before she drags her line of sight up to study her wife’s face. She’s still the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen; it makes her heart tug. She can’t lose her. Leaning forward she presses a light kiss to Laura’s cheek, then turns her face into the girl’s hair and whispers to her.

“Please, Laura...please come back to me. You can’t leave yet, okay? I haven’t given you forever yet.” She allows herself a brief moment to revel in the closeness and ignores the tears blurring her vision as she drops a few more careful kisses to her cheek, “I love you.” 

_______________________________________

 

**4 months later**

The hospital has become like home in the span of the last four months. She’s come to know the entire staff on Laura’s floor as well as some of the security guards. She never leaves. If she does it’s only to get clean clothes or new books to read, but sometimes people bring those things to her so she doesn’t have to leave. Not much has changed since the accident. It’s still touch and go; they’re all still playing the waiting game. Laura’s arm has healed and the cast is gone. The cuts and bruises have also healed and she looks like the same Laura. Carmilla sometimes thinks she looks like Sleeping Beauty. If only it were possible for true love’s kiss to wake her from her slumber.

Carmilla’s currently on the second to last chapter of her most recent book, perched in the lounge chair next to Laura’s bed that the nurses had set up for her when the sheets on the bed rustle ever so subtly. She misses it the first time, but the second time, accompanied by the deeper intake of breath jerks her attention towards the bed and in turn, Laura. The book falls neglected to the floor as she sits up a bit, not believing her eyes when she watches her wife’s hand twitch slightly, fingers moving against the blue blanket that’s draped over the lower half of her body. Carmilla brings her eyes up to Laura’s face, almost afraid that her vision is playing tricks on her, but what she finds makes her breath short circuit in the hollow of her throat. The brunette’s eyes are slowly opening and closing, blinking as she adjusts to the light. It’s clear that her eyes are sensitive as she grimaces and closes them again for a few seconds. When her eyes open again, she looks around and the furrow of her brow increases the longer she looks. A weak sound leaves her lips and she glances down at her arm that is still hooked up to an IV stand. It isn’t until she looks up that she sees Carmilla. She swallows hard and frowns.

“Where am I?” Laura’s scratchy, unused voice reaches Carmilla like a prayer and her heart begins erratically beating beneath the confines of her rib cage. 

“I…I- let me go get a doctor. I’ll be right back.” She gets no answer back, save for the same confused expression, so she gets out of her chair and all but runs to the Nurse’s Station down the hall. Once she finds one of Laura’s nurse’s, she tells them that she’s awake and is already turning to go back to the room as they notify the doctor by phone, following behind her. 

“Are you my doctor?” Laura asks the nurse when they enter the room again. 

The woman, April, smiles genuinely and shakes her head as she goes about checking her vitals. “No sweetie, I’m your nurse. Your doctor will be here shortly to speak with you.”

“Why am I here?” Her second question comes out a little more desperate and Carmilla approaches the bed to stand at her left side.

“Why don’t we leave that for the doctor to explain okay? Just know that you’re safe and in the best hands, truly.” The woman smiles, directing the last bit towards Carmilla who returns the smile warmly, “In the meantime, is there anything I can get you?”

“Um…water. Please.” Laura says quietly, an almost pout on her lips as her brows knit together. 

As April steps out to get some water, Carmilla turns her attention back to Laura and doesn’t think twice as she goes to hold her hand. It’s been so long and she craves to have her hand held back. Laura however startles a bit and is quick to draw away from her as if she’d been burned. It takes Carmilla by surprise and she moves back a bit, dropping her hand to her own side. “I’m sorry, did I…did I hurt you?”

“No, but don’t do that…” 

“Hold your hand?” Carmilla asks carefully, brushing her bangs away from her face as she watches her wife struggle with the concept for some reason.

“Yes, it’s unprofessional.” The smaller girl barely shrugs a shoulder as she quizzically studies Carmilla’s face as if trying to decipher something.

“Seriously?” That earns Laura a raise of a perfectly sculpted eyebrow and she wants to laugh, but there’s something deep in the pit of her stomach that isn’t sitting right, sending off warning bells.

“Well, you are my other nurse aren’t you?”

“What?” 

The warning bells start blaring now, ringing in the center of her head, and setting her off kilter.

“Aren’t you?” 

“Laura...”

All Carmilla can do is stare at Laura. Does she really not know?

“You’re not my nurse then?”

“No, cupcake. I’m not.”

“Then… who are you?”

_Who are you?_

It’s enough to make the walls start to close in on Carmilla. The air in the room grows far too thick to breathe comfortably and only one single thought occupies her mind. 

_She doesn’t remember me_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who took the time to read the first chapter, your comments really mean the world to me!!! Second, I'm so sorry I took a year and a half to post the second chapter, I was on vacation and then my muse decided to run away so. Also sorry if it's not that good, not much happens BUT good things will be coming I promise!!! :)

Laura watches the wave of emotion play across her face. In a matter of seconds she takes in the silent war waging beneath the surface of the other girl, witnesses the exact moment that she cracks and folds in on herself- deflating almost completely. She can almost feel the pain of it behind the fire that burns within her own dry throat. It keeps her chained to where she is, lying in her bed, because she’s afraid that if she tries to reach out, the floodgates will open. The flimsy house of cards that is this girl’s composure will crumble straight to the ground in a wilted pile. Even in the disoriented haze of reality, Laura knows she wouldn’t want that to happen. For a moment she’s afraid to even open her mouth because _she did this_. She supplied the dagger that apparently cut much deeper than she ever could have imagined and it’s too late to take it back. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. She has no idea who the woman is. She knows nothing of the effect she has on her. In Laura’s eyes, this girl in front of her is a total stranger and she’s completely taken aback by how heavily her words are received. 

It’s unsettling.

She stays quiet for a few beats, arms resting lamely at her sides as her eyes travel every inch of the raven-haired woman’s face. She tries to wrack her brain, dig her way through the haystack of muddled thoughts to find the shiny needle of recollection hidden somewhere inside, but she keeps hitting a dead end. And it becomes painfully clear how weak she really is when every time she pushes a little harder against the blockade of her memory, her head starts to scream in protest. Her body already aches all over so she’s quick to give up when her eyes start to droop with exhaustion. She doesn’t want to fall asleep again. She wants to know what’s going on. She wants to know why she’s in the hospital and she wants to know why this woman is so upset over the fact that Laura doesn’t know her. 

Why can’t she remember?

The brunette picks insecurely at the blanket draped over her, feeling smaller and smaller as the world around her grows ominous and threatens to swallow her whole. She shifts uncomfortably and winces as her unused muscles quake under the pressure of being put to work. Once she’s found a slightly more suitable position, she looks back up to her company to find her staring. Her lips are pulled in a tight line, but anyone with eyes could notice the slight quiver every now and then. Her dark eyes are tired and so, so sad that Laura almost lies and says she was kidding, tells her that of course she knows who she is because how could anyone forget someone like her. But she doesn’t, because when the woman opens her mouth to speak, her voice is so small and wounded that Laura feels her throat closing up. 

“You really don’t know who I am?”

Her eyes are boring in to Laura’s, and it feels like she’s trying to decipher her thoughts, to find a lie that doesn’t exist. 

A wave of guilt oddly ripples through her when she shakes her head and moves her arms to hug herself around her middle as best she can. She has to glance out the window to alleviate the unbearable tension that has filled the room.

“I’m sorry, I…no.” Laura pauses a breath before continuing, wishing the nurse would come back with her water so this conversation would end and she could stop feelings so awful. She wishes her dad were there. 

“Should I?” She makes herself ask even though she knows the answer, she should know her, and the lead weight it leaves on her stomach hurts. She’s afraid of the answer. 

Laura can see from her periphery the woman start to take a step closer before she stops herself, shifting her weight instead.

“I’m your wife.” 

The words reach her like a jolt of lightning and she whips her attention from the buildings outside the window so hard, her headache sears against the center of her forehead and her vision blurs around the edges.

“We’ve been married for the past four years…Laura-“ Despite the woman’s fragile tone, Laura’s confusion peaks and the useless gears in her brain are doing nothing to alleviate it. They wind and wind like a broken bike chain, never catching where they should. It’s too much. She’s not married. She’s never even been in that serious of a relationship before. At least that’s what she knows, and how could her own body betray her in such a way. She has to know herself better than anyone, and her frustration is what brings her to interrupt.

“No. No…I’m not married. We’re not…I’ve never even seen you before. Is this some sort of sick joke? Did LaF put you up to this? I know I don’t get out that much, but this is just-“ The rest of her words die in her throat as the woman’s eyes fill with unshed tears and Laura’s gaze quickly leaves her face in favor of watching her fiddle absentmindedly with the silver wedding band and sparkling diamond ring on the ring finger of her left hand. She then feels the sudden weight on her own hand before she even looks there. When she does look, she finds an almost identical set, the bands dainty and etched with tiny diamonds around their circumference. Her own diamond glitters when it catches the light filtering in from the window, its Princess cut fits perfectly on her finger as if it was always meant to be there. It’s so beautiful that it takes her breath away and her lungs sting because it doesn’t feel like it belongs to her.

She stares at the foreign object for a long while, eyes wide with alarm as her heart pangs nervously in her chest. Her mouth feels like it’s packed with cotton and her breathing starts to pick up slightly. She’s on the brink of panic and she’s about to cry because she doesn’t understand, so she does the only thing she can think of, the only thing she knows will make her feel normal and safe. She asks for her dad.

  


_______________________________________

  


Carmilla looks wounded when Laura asks her to call her dad, but she’s quick to throw up a façade -albeit a wavering one- for the time being and leaves the room to make the call and give them both a minute to process everything. The second the girl disappears through the doorway, Laura’s jaw goes slack and a short gasp leaves her aching chest. Tears free fall from her eyes and she gingerly presses the heel of her hand to her forehead to keep the ebb of pain at bay. She tries to think straight, but all she can hear is jumbled garble of shouts and meaningless words that she can’t even begin to place together. She’s not even sure how long she cries for, or how long she’s alone for, but eventually a pair of strong, broad arms carefully cradle her as if she’s made of glass and she instantly feels like she’s not free falling through space anymore.

“Dad?” She squeaks when she’s calmed down some. Her voice is watery and she sniffles as she pulls away slightly to rest her heavy head back on the pillow. It isn’t until she blinks a few times and really looks at him that she sees he’s been crying too. Her chin quivers and she immediately reaches for his hand to squeeze it tight.

“Hey, peanut.” He greets just above a whispers, taking extra care to wipe the tears from her pale skin. “I’m so glad you’re okay…I don’t know what I’d have done if…” He trails off softly after thinking better of it to continue and leans down to kiss Laura’s forehead. 

“Is it true?” She blurts out quietly, searching his eyes as her grip on his hand tightens, “Am I…Am I really married?” Her eyebrows knit together pleadingly.

Her father regards her for a moment, then brushes some hair away from her forehead and rests his hand on her shoulder with a light sigh. “Yes, sweetheart, everything Carmilla told you is the truth. You married her four years ago, in June…but you’ve been together since you started your first job after college. I’ll leave her to tell you the story, but…you love each other very much.”

The corners of his lips tug up in a smile as he adds a second thought, “You know, she’s practically been living here since everything happened. She almost never leaves. You really did pick a good one.” 

The inside of her cheek is already raw from chewing it, but it doesn’t stop her from biting down on the marred flesh once again, nodding slightly. She knows her dad would never lie to her, and the fondness in his voice when he spoke of Carmilla wasn’t unnoticed. But it still sat with her wrong, like a stack of cups that didn’t quite fit together perfectly. 

If only she could just knock the missing pieces back in to place…

“Why can’t I remember anything?”

“I’m not sure. We were told there might be some memory loss, but…hey don’t worry kiddo, we’ll figure it out, okay?”

She’s sure this is the gentlest his voice has ever been.

Nodding meekly, Laura lets herself be pulled into a second hug before her dad leaves to see if he can track down the doctor and get him to explain everything properly. 

By the time her doctor comes to visit, her glass of water that finally arrived is already half gone and she’s crunching on ice chips to fill the awkward silence that has fallen between her father, Carmilla, and herself. She’s made a list of questions that Carmilla had written down for her so she could ask exactly what she was concerned about before it got lost in her wandering mind. Her biggest concern, of course, is knowing what happened to cause such trauma to her memory, and if she will ever regain the lost years that she now only processes as a large void of nothingness. 

She’s worried to know the answer –it wasn’t even first on her list- but she blurts it out just after the man has introduced himself to her and while Carmilla is handing over the small notepad with her questions. 

The man, Dr. Matthews, regards her with a light-hearted laugh and smiling eyes. She guesses he wants to keep the meeting light despite the heavy circumstances. Any other day she might have found it misplaced, but there’s something kind about him and it’s a nice distraction from the fallen faces she’s seen all day. She tangles her fingers in the bed sheet nervously, the pit of her stomach already sinking, while he begins to divulge the trauma the accident caused, and what he thinks the next step should be. 

He doesn’t sugar coat anything and she knows it’s for her benefit only. She needs to know. He recaps the details he knows of the accident to her, tells her how badly she hit her head, all of the injuries she sustained, and that while she was in surgery to stop some internal bleeding and reset her arm, she slipped into a coma and only just came out of it today. He tells her that she’s been comatose for 4 months, and while her speech and cognitive function seem to be well intact, there could be some lag with her motor functions from being under for so long, as well as the damage done to her brain. He explains that the Hippocampus of her brain is what was damaged, that it is the part of her brain that stores short term memory and why she cannot remember the past few years. He informs her that while there is a chance she will be able to regain her memories, it is quite a slim one and she may never truly remember. She’s not sure what else he says because her ears are suddenly filled with static and her fingers are shaking where they’re now being held between her father’s strong hands.

Wordlessly, Laura hands off her notepad of paper over to her dad, a silent go-ahead for him to ask the rest of the questions for her. She doesn’t know what to say, the words she could scream stick like honey to her tongue and all she can do is watch and listen quietly while her fate is delivered to her. After a few moments, she turns and drags her gaze away from the scene, effectively drowning it all out. The voices are far away now, fading into the background. Her wide, brown eyes find fixation on the white, puffy clouds like an anchor as they glide across the endless sky and she tries to make sense of everything, to find reality in the various shapes she creates with her imagination. 

  


_______________________________________

  


What Laura misses in her frail, yet desperate attempt to temporarily escape the truth, is that if all things check out well, she will be able to go home by the end of the week.

Home.

Where even is that anymore?

In her mind, it’s her childhood house, where she lives with her dad and her bedroom is the second door on the right at the top of the stairs with the doorframe that is etched along its ridge, marked with her growth in height since the age of four. It’s where she lost her first tooth at the antique, wooden kitchen table as she was eating an apple after her first day of first grade. It’s where the smell of her mother still sometimes lingers, catching her senses when a breeze floats in through the open living room windows, blowing the sweet perfume of the overgrown Hydrangea bushes the woman had planted so long ago throughout the downstairs. 

It’s the most familiar thing to her and she tries to explain that going home with her dad would be the most practical scenario, seeing as they want her to be around things she knows, but it is explained to her that home isn’t with her dad, not anymore. Her home for the past several years has been with Carmilla in their apartment on the edge of the city, and that is what is really most familiar to her. She feels her stubbornness begin to flare, but it’s placated easily enough when Carmilla adds in that it might be in her best interest, that going home with her could possibly lead to triggering the return of some memories. 

After that she agrees, though a little reluctantly because she’s still wary of everything, but four days later she’s standing before the front door of the mysterious apartment she shares with the even more mysterious woman standing beside her. The ride from the hospital was filled with more awkward silence, mostly on her part. She’d had no idea what to say, even when Carmilla tried patiently to make small talk. The brunette spent the majority of the drive staring out the passenger side window, watching as life continued to flourish as her own lay in a mess of fragile pieces. 

Now, when the raven-haired woman isn’t looking as she separates her keys out to find the right one, Laura chances a glance at her. She takes in her profile, allows her eyes to flit about from her forehead, all the way down along the sharp line of her jaw. She studies the way her expression changes, softens when she finds the right key and presses her lips together as she opens the door. Laura is still stuck staring, trying to find something even though she’s not sure what, when Carmilla looks over and their eyes meet. A small smile melts across her lips, the crease in her brow disappearing before she clears her throat slightly and waves her hand in front of her.

“After you” Carmilla’s voice is gentle as it fills the silence and Laura gives a small nod before quickly averting her eyes into the dark apartment in front of her. 

It’s still dark when she crosses the threshold, but in a second the woman behind her flips the switch and everything is bathed in light. Despite the strangeness that washes over her, the apartment is beautiful. It’s quaint and lived in and there are pictures almost everywhere she looks. The living area in front of her seems the most inviting, as it’s right there, and she takes a step in the direction of the entertainment center to inspect the photographs there when a loud series of tiny mews suddenly fill the apartment with alarm. The sound carries down through the stretch of hallway, along with the heavy pad of feet, until suddenly there’s a thin, black cat winding itself in a figure eight through Laura’s legs. She shrieks with surprise, almost tripping over the animal and throws a hand over her heart as she releases a heavy breath. The cries die down and are quickly replaced with thick, happy purrs that vibrate against her shins making the brunette’s shock deplete completely and she bites her lip as her first genuine smile breaks out across her face.

“Well, hello there.” She says through her smile, letting a small giggle slip when the cat meows in response.

Laura almost forgets that Carmilla is watching and complete misses the way the girl’s jaw clenches as she wills herself not to cry because she missed her so much. She doesn’t see the way she quietly pulls in a breath because seeing that smile and hearing that giggle somehow makes it all worth it. She’s oblivious to the way Carmilla runs her fingers through her hair and swallows down her frightened heart to instead smiling warmly and lean down to scoop up the small feline. 

Laura’s smile follows the cat as Carmilla cradles him close to her, making it so their faces are pressed together while she scrubs the side of his cheek. “This is Bagheera.” She begins, looking to Laura as the cat begins kneading into the air. His eyes open briefly and she notes that he has one blue eye and one green eye. His coat is jet black and shiny, he looks well cared for and she knows he must be important to her- to them. 

“I found him in the alley down the street when he was just a kitten. You weren’t on board at first to let us keep him, but after a week of caring for him myself because you teased that I couldn’t be held responsible enough, you stuck a red bow on his head and presented him to me as ours when I came home from work one day. He wasn’t too happy with the bow, but now I’m pretty sure he loves you more than he loves me.”

There’s a small, secret smile dancing across Carmilla’s lips as she recalls the memory and Laura is captivated. Her lips part to say something, though she’s not sure what – thank you, maybe?- But Carmilla keeps talking, having found a small bubble of safety and confidence. 

“He missed you…I- we both did.” 

A nervous blush creeps up Laura’s neck at the confession, but she smiles politely and bites the inside of her cheek as Carmilla talks a small step forward and holds Bagheera out to her.

“Welcome home.” She says fondly when Laura accepts the cat and cradles him easily in her arms like an old habit. He fits perfectly- his fur like velvet against her skin, and his purrs rumble contently into her chest, bringing an overwhelming sense of calm to the moment.

_Welcome home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND SO IT BEGINS!!
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope to have the third chapter posted much sooner than this one. As always comments and things are always welcome <3

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note, I know very little about brain injuries, so please forgive me if I get any of it wrong. I'll do as much research as I can for accuracy purposes, but there's no way I can get it perfect.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read the first chapter. Comments are always appreciated!!! :)


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